


I knew from the beginning...

by Beckendorf



Series: Stony Bingo 2016 [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Death, M/M, Sad!Tony, Stony Bingo, Tony Angst, Tony Feels, a small graphic-y gore bit, angsty, but its teensy, not that graphic too, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-21
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2018-04-16 11:03:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4622943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beckendorf/pseuds/Beckendorf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony knew from the beginning that it was Steve. It had always been Steve. He just didn't expect it to end so soon. </p><p> </p><p>For the handshake panel of my Stony Bingo card.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I knew from the beginning...

It seemed surreal, how it all happened. One minute they'd been on the brink of victory, Tony was confirming dinner plans with Steve on their private line as the others were  gearing up to go home; the next, a giant metallic arm comes out of nowhere and pierces Steve's chest. He'd taken his cowl off, smiling as they closed in on the villain, giving the final command.  He'd still been smiling when the metal embedded itself in his back. He wasn't smiling when it came through on the other side, a blood covered point sticking out from between his lungs. Almost artistically, it had split the star on Steve's chest.

Tony doesn't remember much after that. He knows that he flew down to hold Steve, cradle him as he-as he sustained his injury. Bruce had to physically pull him off the Captain to let the medics deal.

But it was obviously already too late. Captain America was strong yes, indestructible? No.

He had to be dragged back to the triskelion. There was silence in the quinjet, everyone hesitating and giving Tony _looks_ that made him want to scream. A constant pregnant pause hung over them, like they all wanted to say something, or ask something. He just wanted to tell them to shut up, because he could hear them thinking of ways to gently initiate the conversation that should be had.  

There'd been a few rough moments in the hospital wing, as they were forced to sit outside and wait for the verdict. Everyone but Tony was surprised. He'd already assumed the worst. 

And so here he was now, sitting in the morgue with Steve’s body displayed in front of him. The blood had been cleared, suit ripped off his body-a crime in itself-he was naked. bare except for the sheet covering him. Tony was still in his suit. He couldn’t bring himself to take it off. It was the only thing protecting him from himself.

 

People began to come in to pay their respects; Clint, Bruce and Thor came first, the latter attempting to sing an old norse song of death, but his voice cracked halfway through and so they returned to silence. Fury and Hill came together. It was the first time anyone had seen Nick so speechless. There was a trickle of moisture escaping his eye patch. Hill was meant to be silent crier, probably used to showing up at agent’s funerals and having to be professional. But today there were loud sobs, only muted by the hand she had clamped over her mouth. Sam walked in and walked straight out. His cries echoed through the building. Natasha had carried Coulson in. They stared at first, stony faced and unsure, and Natasha cursed in Russian, continuing until she her face was wet. Coulson said nothing, just stared, nodded and left.

 

Tony was left alone to pay his final respects. He hadn’t moved, hadn’t spoken in hours. He passed his hand over his face, suddenly conscious of the fact that he had absolutely no idea what to do.

“You always did have that effect on me.” He admitted to Steve’s dead body. “I think, uh.” He cleared his throat, attempting to choke back some tears. “I think I always knew that it was you. I mean, I’ve been with a lot of people. Pepper was the closest. But you, you always hit the nail righ-right on the head.” He laughed to himself, slowly beginning to take of his armour. Uncomfortable speeches called for somewhat comfortable attire. “I knew from the moment you moved in, and you bullshitted us all into thinking you couldn’t handle technology.” He said, smiling at the memory. “I knew, from the time you broke the coffee machine because you thought it was armed, and nearly cried apologising to me.” He removed his boots, then began working on the arms.

 

“I knew, when we fought over my veto of  your, at the time, frankly unnecessary plan and refusing to get medical help. I knew when you did the same thing so you wouldn’t make me worry. Or that time when you covered me with your shield in the rain, because you thought my suit was actually made of Iron.” By now, he was imagining Steve sitting next to him, smiling like a dork as Tony recited the memories, listening to all of the things he should’ve said, and all of the things he didn’t. "The time we almost got to 2nd base but Thor had a crisis and you just couldn't leave a brother alone. When I was fighting the mandarin, and how irritated you were that I didn't call for your backup." He heaved off the chest plate, letting it clamber to the floor. “I knew when we started dating, that I wasn’t making a mistake. Not anymore. Not with you. It was pretty obvious by that point that we were inseparable. Clint was so relieved.” He laughed to himself, smiling as he remembered. “But I think I knew that there was something, that we were meant to be more than just friends, from the handshake we shared after the Loki battle. We'd both been stupid, throwing insults that didn't mean anything. I wasn't willing to forgive you, I don't forgive easily. But you, you were firm, solid. It was as if you meant the apology. Like my approval meant-ah-meant that much to you. Not fake, not like the empty promises every handshake has ever given to me my entire life. You were earnest, and sincere, and everything that I’m no-wasn’t. And I always knew Steve. It was always going to be you.”

His armour was completely off now, a battered pile of metal next to the chair he was sitting on. “I know I didn’t say this much, and now I really wish I had, but Steve, goddamit, I-I love you.” He finally cracked, and he broke down crying. He couldn’t stand to see Steve’s body anymore. The few years they’d had together were the best of Tony’s life, and he’d treasure that for as long as he lived. Right now, he wanted anything but to stay with Steve. He couldn’t look anymore. Before he left, he gently placed a little band of gold on Steve’s chest. He’d been keeping it, waiting for the right moment to ask. Now that moment would never come. He exited swiftly without looking back. There was only so much of the past he could bear to think about.

 

The door closed with a defining crash, and the body on the trolley twitched.

 

lub dub….lub dub….lub dub….

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is sort of loosely based on the handshake panel, but I wanted to do something a little different. Plus I thought it really called for a flashback of some sort.


End file.
